I knew that this trip would change me. I knew that it would change my worldview. I knew that it would make me more aware of global issues, and I knew it would develop my heart for the poor. I knew I would grow closer to the Lord, and I hoped to walk off the plane in July with some clear direction for the future.

I had no idea that on top of all these things, my thought process, expectations, personality, definition of God, concept of the kingdom of heaven, hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations would be rocked, turned upside down, and then shaken to the core. I have learned and experienced more in the last 7 months than I can even begin to put into words. I have learned more about the heart of God than I even knew was there to learn about. It would be pointless to try and explain. Honestly I am starting to dread questions of what happened and what I learned when I get home. How do you possibly explain what has happened in my life? How can I possibly communicate what has happened in my heart and in my mind?

As difficult as it is to explain, I need to at least try and write it out. I want God to get glory for who He is and what He has done in me.

For most of my life I have hated to be up front. I never raised my hand in class, and I never voluntarily did any kind of public speaking. I preferred to be in the background. It was much easier that way. I never had to speak out and say something wrong. I never had to be humbled and I could comfortably hold on to my pride and insecurities.

I aimed to please. I never wanted to be looked to for a decision because I would rather not make a decision that made anyone else unhappy. I would rather keep quiet than say anything difficult. Every single nursing evaluation that I ever received in Nursing School had the same one thing I could improve on. "Bethany has a great attitude and bedside manner but needs to work on being more assertive and building her confidence." Every semester. I think most of my timidity has been built around a fear of failing and quite a lot of pride if I am honest. I don't want to make a mistake or reveal that I am not good at something. I have settled for mediocre in school and other areas because I have been afraid to put my full effort into something and come up short.

I have been extremely self-centered in the past (Mom and Dad you can vouch for this. Matt and Jonny you too). I have struggled to walk consistently with the Lord. I haven't been able to follow through on most things that I have started. My heart has been for my own spiritual growth rather than for the heart of the Father. My heart has been wrapped up in my own needs and desires rather than poured out for the poor, the fatherless, the widow, the needy, and the lost.

I am far from where I want to be but I want to give glory where glory is due. Encountering God in the face of a small child, experiencing God in a conversation with my teammate, and learning to enjoy time in God's presence more than anything else has changed me. The Lord has begun to strip me of my pride and has put me in positions where I am forced to step out and speak up. I am now leading my team of seven and learning that the timidity I once held onto like a security blanket can't be my comfort anymore.

In Africa you are asked to speak on the spot and as the leader I have had multiple "opportunities" to be challenged and rely fully on the Lord for words. He definitely uses us in our weakness. I found myself preaching a full sermon yesterday and I wondered who I even was anymore. The desire to be in the background has been replaced with a passion and excitement to share who God is and what He has done for me.

Being in God's presence and seeing more and more of the world around me has broken my heart in many new ways. God has been replacing and changing my self-centered thought patterns with an incredible desire to lay myself down more and more. The more I see God the more I can't do anything else. I have found more satisfaction and joy in pursuing the heart of God than I have ever found in living for myself.

The changes that have been happening in my life and heart are only because of God's grace! I am so excited about who He is, what He has done, and what He is going to do in my life in the future! It is all because of Him!

 We were given one hour to speak and interact with the inmates. I had no idea what to expect and was surprised when we met the prisoners in an open field. They were wearing their striped pajama uniforms and I couldn't help thinking that the scene looked like something out of a movie.  We sat down on white lawn chairs facing 150 African convicts. We shared our names, why we had come, and told them that we had brought them all soap as a gift. They clapped gratefully and looked at us with curiousity.

My teammate Tres got up to speak to them. He shared the gospel with them, as well as the fact that his own little brother had spent time in prison. He told them to listen up because he never had a chance to tell his little brother what he wanted to tell them. I was surprised at their eager eyes and rapt attention. They were hungry for hope. We were able to show them where the only true hope is found. Jesus Christ.

When Tres finished his talk, he asked if any wanted to receive Christ and turn their lives over to the Lord. Almost 100 men raised their hands and came forward. As we prayed for them they lifted their hands up to the sky and some of them wept. Afterward I asked the pastor if that had ever happened before. It seemed like such a large number! I know God can move and do anything, but really? 100 men in one day? The pastor told me this was extremely uncommon. He said that we had seen the hand of the Lord that day. We left completely overwhelmed.

We decided that there was no way we could just leave it at that. We knew God wanted us to go back to the prison. We wanted to find a way to get the new believers some bibles. Bookshop after bookshop gave us prices for bibles. We ended up finding a place who decided to sell us bibles for an extremely low price. The owner was basically making 2 shillings off of every bible he sold us which is roughly 2.5 cents. They only had a few bibles in stock however, and were unsure as to when the next shipment was going to come in.

God, however, obviously wanted those prisoners to have access to his word. A random shipment came in a couple of days before we were planning to go back to the prison, and we were able to purchase the bibles out of our team budget. Not only that, but the pastor was shocked when he heard what bookstore we had gotten the bibles from.   He said that everyone avoids that store because it is so overpriced and the owners aren't even believers. God was moving.

Our second visit to the prison was incredible. We met the prisoners in the same open field and there was an incredible softness to them. They smiled and clapped eagerly when it was translated that we had brought them bibles. We were able to pray with them individually for specific needs. Many of the requested needs involved deliverance from demonic oppression, a deeper hunger and thirst for God, a way to use the gifts God had given them, healing from sickness, and jobs for post-prison life.

We weren't allowed to take pictures inside, but this is our group leaving after the second visit!

(we found some puppies nearby...)

Imagine

You're all alone. Your mother has died. Your father has died. Your relatives can't take you in.  You have no home. You have no job because you haven't finished school. You have no money to your name because family members have taken it all. You turn 23 today. 

Imagine 

If you trusted Jesus in the midst of everything and he provided miraculously. He gave you people to take care of you, and a family to take you in as their own. You get a place to stay and finances to go to school. You can pursue a career as a doctor and have a family of your own someday. 

Imagine

Not being bitter, angry and cynical but instead forgiving, full of joy and hope. You believe the Jesus of the Bible and that He cares for you more than you know. Your circumstances don't determine His love for you. He's always loved you and you love Him back.

Imagine

You're not just another orphan. Just another number to society or drop in the bucket. You have a name. You have a story. You have a struggle and you have a dream. You are Benard Kwoba, and you're a child of God. He tells you that He's a father to the fatherless and will never forsake you. You want this Jesus that carries your burdens, heals your wounds and sets you free. You are no longer an orphan, nameless, without hope or a future. You are adopted into the family of God and your life matters. You matter, and your God's masterpiece. 

In Matthew chapter 25 v. 35-36 where Jesus says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." To our team this month, Benard is the stranger, the one in need and the orphan to look after. We want to help him go to school this next term. We're asking anyone to contribute anything they can. He's such a bright, ambitious and gentle young man and we have the opportunity to bless him.

God is showing us what true religion is, "Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1: 27). Please join us in prayer for his life, that God would use us as a miracle in it. 

Details: 

In order for this to take place, we are trusting in God and His faithfulness, and you as His stewards. We are a team of seven, and have taken on Benard as our child. We feel God has called us to provide for him over these next two years. If we divide the needs between our team members, it requires that each of us raise $90. This amount will provide Benard with tuition for the next two terms, a home to live in, a bed to sleep on, utensils to eat with, uniforms to wear, books to study, and daily meals. This is such a small cost when many of us look at our lives back home. To live off of $630 for two years, how can we not be there to help him. We trust that God will provide these means, and that your heart will be opened as ours was. We are leaving Kitale in 8 days, and are praying endlessly that this can be pulled off. We will be buying uniforms and books this Friday (2/19/10), and if all goes as we hope, we will be going with Benard next week (2/22/10) to sign off on the home. When we leave Kenya, Team Mosiac will officially be the appointed guardian of Benard Kwoba. So please, would you step out in faith with us as we serve this world as He has called. 

If you want to help, please comment on this blog or e-mail me at bethany.brueggen@gmail.com as soon as possible!

If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask us!

Thank you!!!

Eva is 8 years old. I met her at a church in Kampala, Uganda. I was immediately drawn to her sweet spirit and beautiful smile. I wanted to give her my ring and I was surprised that she didn't grab for it greedily like most of the kids do when you offer them something. She said she was too young for something like that. I told her to keep it for when she was older.

Eva (left) and her younger sister Christine (right)

I started talking with her and was surprised at how well she spoke English. I started asking her what she had been doing that day. The first thing she said was that she had been reading her bible that day. She told me how much she loves to read the bible and how she loves to come worship at the church everyday. I asked her what her favorite bible story was and her face lit up.

She told me in great detail how much she loved Daniel and reenacted the story for me. Her face was full of expression and her voice was full of excitement. She loved how Daniel refused to stop praying to his God even though it meant being sent to the lion's den. She loves the part of the story where God shuts the mouths of the lions and protects Daniel.

I showed her my bible and she was so excited. She told me how much she just wants to read the bible. She is learning how to read it in English so that she can read it in two languages. She wanted me to read to her from my bible and even though she couldn't understand most of it she was on the edge of her seat, listening intently.

I asked her what she loved most about God. Her answer was that she loves how God protects her mom from her dad. She told me that her mom doesn't like her dad but she couldn't tell me why.

She told me how the kids at her school laugh at her for reading her bible. They tell her that she is so young she doesn't need to be reading the bible. God is dead, and what she is reading about is a lie. Eva went on to tell me how she responds. She says "No you are wrong, my God hears me when I pray to him, who deceived you into believing that Jesus Christ isn't Lord?" I wrote down her response so I could remember it exactly. I was shocked and humbled by her bold faith. 

When Eva claims Jesus Christ as her God to her peers she said that they slap her and abuse her. Like Daniel she continues to pray to her God.

I told her about 1 Timothy 4:11

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

She loved that verse and memorized the reference so she could go home and read it in her own language. When her little sister fell asleep on my lap, I watched Eva pick her up and carry her home. It was obvious she was used to playing the mom role.

Eva's childlike faith moved me. I asked if she would pray for me. She prayed for me in her native language and then I prayed for her. Tears filled my eyes as I watched her dance around the church with complete joy. She has nothing and she has everything. She has a life of hardship and persecution but she is radiant. She is 8 years old and has more faith than most people I know.

Eva and I

I'm not sure how to describe what it feels like to be in Uganda. To say that we are experiencing culture shock is a huge understatement. The days are long and the sun is hot. After spending five months in Europe, Turkey, and Israel we are just beginning to get a real taste of what poverty looks like.

Most of the population of Uganda lives on less than one dollar per day. The need for healthcare, food, and basic necessities is great. We visited a hospital a few days ago that broke my heart. The first thing I heard when I entered the pediatric wing was a mother crying hysterically. She had just lost her baby. Dozens of mothers stood around just looking at her. They had their own dying children. Most of the kids in this wing are suffering from AIDS, malnutrition, and malaria. 

The pediatric wing is actually a long hall. It is crammed with beds that are separated by maybe a couple of feet. Some beds have two children crammed together. IV bags are hung from the few mosquito nets that hang from the ceiling. There are mats all over the floor with sleeping mothers who stay to help care for their babies. There are only 3 nurses for over 130 patients, so mothers are forced to stay and provide basic care. The air is extremely stuffy and the smells are worse. The desperate cry of suffering is haunting.

The first time I went through the hospital I tried unsuccessfully to hold back my tears. It was overwhelming. We went through and gave out cookies to the children and asked if we could pray over them.  Everyone wanted prayer. No one turned us away and everyone was hungry for a word of hope. It was awesome to be able to hold the babies and even get some smiles out of them. I can't explain what that felt like. I wanted to stay all day. The verses from Matthew 5:3-4 suddenly took on a new meaning in the eyes of a child dying from AIDS.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

I haven't seen poverty in spirit like I have seen it here in Uganda.

My God is a God who cares for the poor, He comforts and sends comforters to those who mourn and suffer. He reveals himself to little children and gives his kingdom to those who have nothing. I don't know why he doesn't cure everyone right now right here on earth. But I do know that the kingdom of heaven belongs to little children like these. God does not forget them.

I found out that because I have a nursing license they are going to allow me to come back and volunteer at the hospital. With 3 nurses for 130 patients they are obviously desperate for help. They will let me provide nursing care in the pediatric wing. I can't believe God is giving me such an incredible opportunity. He is so, so good. As heartbreaking as it is, I have never felt more energized and alive than I did in that hospital. I can't wait to go back.

My first week in Israel has been absolutely incredible!  And if you are wondering what in the world I did with my time in Turkey, do not worry a video is coming! Turkey was a month of planned ministry fall through and divine appointments.   We ended up making a video featuring most of the people we spent our time with. We captured their opinions on Jesus and shared our own off-screen. We are currently on a technology fast through the month of December (except for once a week blogging and Christmas), and I will post the video when we put on the final touches. 

Now, back to Israel. In just one week so much has happened...

Gloria and I

Other noteworthy events...

1.       On our first bus ride traveling from the airport to Arad, we hit a donkey while flying down the interstate. Thankfully we stopped short of a tiny guardrail overlooking a giant hill.

The view right outside of the library

The City of David

The City of David

 We called a taxi and went to the first hospital where they wouldn't take me. Then we went to the next clinic. This man asked if I could see, I said no. He told me to put my glasses on and asked if that made it any better. I said no I can't even see shapes. Then he tried to make me an appointment later that evening with someone else and tried to charge me 700 shekels for the "visit". We said no thank you, that wasn't an examination and left.

Tres (team leader) bought me a falafel sandwich to cheer me up. I was kind of a mess and worried that my vision loss or part of it might be permanent. It's amazing what falafel can do. We didn't know where to go next or what to do but God already had it planned out. Guess who was walking down the street just at that moment? Our contact and his friend who had worked with an optomologist previously. Of course. He told me he thought my vision should come back in a few days but that I should still get it checked out just in case. I used a hair wrap to make a makeshift eye patch, they prayed healing for my eye, and sent me off to a hospital half an hour away.

We got to the ER of this really nice hospital and found out it would cost me around $250 to be seen. I decided I didn't want to be blind for the rest of my life so I gave them my passport and went back to talk to the nurse. She asked me a few questions and then walked away. I decided to take off the patch and see how many shapes I could see. 

     I was in shock. Not only could I see shapes, I could see everything completely normally like I had before. I looked in the mirror. My eye was completely normal. No blood, no fuzziness, NOTHING. Just my normal eye able to see just fine. God completely restored my eye. I got so excited I ran over to the doctor who had my chart and told him I didn't need to see him, that my eye had been healed.   He just laughed and said so you don't have to pay I guess. I walked out the door without paying a dime. Dad, remember how you prayed at that farewell fundraiser that God would be a father to me in your absence? I'm pretty sure that He is doing his jobJ Love you all!